Choose Your Own Adventure… What Are Your Desires?
Megan Andelloux Founder & Executive Director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health
“Are you looking to have passionate romps? Raw, carnal bliss? Confident and authoritative sex? Naughty adventures? Maybe you are looking to snuggle in and want, what I refer to as Lazy Sunday time (all the snuggles)! Are they looking to create romantic sex?” Mood is important if you have in mind Lazy Sunday morning sex and maybe floggers and nipple clamps would be fun?
Sex is more than an action; it’s an adventure that involves the mind, body and spirit. Involving the five senses: sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. Think about sex in ways more than just the genitals.
Basic Sex Info 101
While the clitoris is the sexual hub of the universe for many women, it usually requires a bit of preparation to get aroused for digital or oral manipulation.
Teasing and gentle petting is a great way to start stimulating the clitoris. You may wish to start out gently kissing her inner thighs, and continue your explorations from there.
Licking and nibbling the other surfaces of the pussy is adored by many women. Go slowly and think fun. Since it’s hard to have a verbal conversation when you are eating pussy, you can refer to her body language, whimpers and moans, etc. for feedback.
Direct clitoral stimulation is divine for some, and others prefer indirect stimulation of the clitoris, while others enjoy having the clitoris sucked. Indirect clitoral stimulation can be achieved by stroking your tongue through the channels on either side of the clitoral hood and applying pressure to the clit through the hood.
Many women love a combination of all of these techniques, and other techniques that are uniquely yours. Afterward, ask for feedback and listen to her responses if you want to be the greatest lover in her world.
It’s common to not have a full erection sometimes. This is true for every man. It’s especially common in a situation that is new, exciting or stressful, like being with a new partner, for example. Having a fear of erection problems can often result in an erection problem. Take your time with your new partners, and have patience. Being sexually comfortable with a new partner often takes time, try being naked and touching each other for a longer period of time. Payoffs are greatly improved by this method for all parties involved. Slow deep conscious breathing can help send a message to your body and your brain to relax. There are lots of fun things to do while you’re waiting for wood.
The way you ask for sex should depend on the circumstances. Whether you use a direct approach or a slower subtle approach, your chances of getting what you ask for are much greater if you are respectful.
When you ask another person for sex, you are asking them to take a risk. If they say no, it doesn’t necessarily indicate that they don’t like you. There are a multitude of reasons a person may decide against becoming intimately involved. If you accept their decision respectfully and with kindness, you stand a much better chance of getting lucky with them at a later date. After all, you’ve planted the seed and shown that you can be mature, friendly and graceful in the face of adversity, which many people find very sexy.
When they say yes, it’s a great idea to discuss what each of you has in mind. This part takes practice, too. Since there are numerous ways to have sex, being on the same page before you start getting hot and heavy can help to prevent the over-stepping of personal boundaries. Communication is the most important key to becoming the amazing lover you were born to be. And to become a successful communicator takes practice, practice, practice.
The clitoris is often the most sexually sensitive part of a woman�s body. The clitoris, like the head of the penis, contains numerous concentrated bundles of nerve endings that respond gratifyingly to touch and other types of stimulation.
Recent research has shown that the sensitive clitoral tissue is not just the flesh that is externally visible. The clitoris actually has 18 anatomical parts. The portion of the clitoris that one can see is just the beginning, while most of the volume of the clitoris lies beneath the surface.
The clitoris and its associated nerve endings extend into a much larger area. In fact, some G-spot stimulation and anal stimulation, for women, may be in part due to of the complexities of nerve endings associated with clitoral tissue. Inside the body, the clitoral shaft separates into two legs that extend for about three inches on both sides of the vaginal opening. The entire clitoris consists of erectile tissue. During sexual arousal this tissue fills with blood and becomes stiff and sensitive.
Most women are unable to achieve orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone. So understanding the clitoris is often the key to orgasm and sexual satisfaction for most women. Each woman likes different types of clitoral stimulation.
Some women like direct stimulation like touching the clitoris, head on with a finger, a palm, tongue, or toy. Some women prefer indirect stimulation like touching the area around the clitoris or touching the clitoris through the clitoral hood. Some women like gentle caressing while others desire more pressure. Some like clitoral stimulation to be slow while others like it fast and firm.
The best way to know how to clitorally please a woman is to ask her to give you feedback. If you listen, follow directions and practice you can learn quite a lot while making your lover wonderfully happy.
The G-spot is the spongy, ridged area on the front wall of the vagina. It is loaded with nerve endings and is an erogenous zone for many women. Not every woman finds stimulation of this area pleasant.
The G-spot can best be located by inserting one or more fingers two to three inches into the vagina and stroking towards the front of the body with a “come hither” motion. Some women require quite a bit of pressure and lubricant can be very helpful for applying pressure without irritating tissue. You may or may not feel anything you can identify as a G- Spot, so rely on your partner’s feedback to find your way. Most women are more likely to find G- Spot stimulation pleasurable after they are already aroused. Of those who greatly enjoy this type of stimulation, some women experience an ejaculation of fluid upon orgasm or as part of arousal. This fluid is a product of the paraurethral sponge. It is clear and odorless, and is not urine.
A pregnancy only occurs when sperm meets egg, so a woman cannot become pregnant from kissing, oral sex, mutual masturbation, or sharing a hot tub. It is possible for a woman to become pregnant if the man pulls out of her vagina before he comes, but it is less likely than if he comes inside of her. Also, sperm die quickly when exposed to the air, so they do not live long after being ejaculated unless they are inside a vagina. It is very unlikely for woman to become pregnant from a man ejaculating on her clothing or near her underwater. Most accidental pregnancies happen when someone neglects or forgets to use birth control or uses it incorrectly, or when the man intends to pull out but doesn’t make it in time.
Most people learn what they enjoy sexually by exploring what feels good when they touch themselves. As our bodies’ age and change, so may our desires and techniques. Masturbation can be an integral part of knowing ourselves and what we enjoy or don’t, regardless of how young or old. Believe it or not, lots of people masturbate in lots of different ways. If your masturbation routine could use some spicing up, be sure to check out our catalog for ideas of activities and sensations you might like to try. Masturbation is fun, it’s a stress reliever, a boredom basher, a mood enhancer, it can make you a better lover, and it’s good for you!
It’s a common misconception, and widely held fear, that large penises rule the world of sexual happiness. In the reality of biology, 90% of erect penises measure 5-7 inches in length, and 1-2 inches in diameter. If you’re concerned that your penis is too small, you can rest assured that you are in good company. In a land led by Texans, our media and culture tell us that bigger is better. But that can’t be true of all things, especially when it comes down to tools. For a moment, think of your penis as a tool. If it is too small, what is it too small for? Just like different tasks require different tools, many people prefer different penis sizes for different activities. Some people say they like large ones for oral sex, medium ones for vaginal sex, and small ones for anal sex. Still others have preferences in the exact opposite direction and everything in between. Some people like the sensation of fullness that a larger penis can provide but there are many ways to achieve this sensation. For hundreds of ideas, just check out our catalog.
For some people, penis size doesn’t matter at all. In surveys about what women and men want in a lover, findings indicate that most people are looking for qualities like interpersonal connection with their partner, their partner’s attention and sensitivity to their body, and the ability to respond to their individual needs. So if you want to please your partner, take time to learn about your partner’s body and find out what moves them. Take a load of worry off your pecker and just love it, it stands to bring you some of the best pleasure you’ve ever known.
Men have sensitive internal tissue called the prostate gland, which many men enjoy the stimulation of. It can be stimulated most directly through the anus. Even lots of straight men enjoy it. This gland produces a fluid that helps produce semen, and it closes the urine duct to allow for the safe passage of sperm. The prostate can be found a few inches inside the opening of the anus, and can be stimulated through the rectal wall. When the prostate is stimulated, some men orgasm whether or not they have an erection.
Assuming for now that the man is on his back, slip a finger or two into the anus facing upward then curl your fingers (what some people describe as the “come hither” motion). Many men claim they like it stroked or massaged.
When you stimulate the prostate by hand, be sure your nails are trimmed. The anus is a sensitive body cavern that can tear and scrape easily. It’s not as durable for penetration as the vagina. You may want to snap a latex glove on your hand, found in many drug stores or sex shops, which will make rear entry a smoother process. There are also finger cots you can purchase that serve the same purpose. In addition, don’t forget the lube. The anus doesn’t naturally secrete slippery, sexual fluids conducive to easy gliding.
Fingers aren’t the only anal pleasure enhancers. The receiving male can try butt plugs, vibrators, dildos or, of course, 100% nature-made penises if that turns you on. Use your imagination on which toys you can buy, adapt, or make. If you use a toy, make sure it has a flange. A flange is a base that prevents the anus from devouring your toy, making it hard to expunge without medical services. The anus is a powerful internal mechanism that can work as a mighty suction device.
Another thing to remember about prostrate stimulation is that not all men like it. Some find it irritating and painful. Some men really enjoy light pressure, others prefer it hard. Some like constant pressure, some like a fast “pulsing” motion. Some men love the sensation, but only like it once they are already very aroused. The best way to ensure your male sex partner enjoys himself is communication. Ask him how it feels.
If you intend to share toys with someone else, or you plan to use the same toy for vaginal and anal insertion, you can put a condom on the toy. By doing this, you will not need to get up to wash the toy thoroughly before using it again; you can just wrap it in a new condom. This should be done before another person uses it, and before you put it in a vagina after it has been in an anus. Anal bacteria can really wreak havoc on a vagina, so vigilantly try to keep it out of there.
Some vibrators are waterproof and can be cleaned like one might wash a dish, with soap and water. The ones that are not waterproof should never be submerged in water, as this can destroy a motor. They can be cleaned with a rag with soap and water.
Silicone toys can also be cleaned with soap and water, put through the wash cycle of a dishwasher on the top rack, or boiled only if they are 100% silicone. Use only water-based lubricants with silicone toys. Silicone lubricants can break down the surfaces of silicone toys.
Rubber toys, including jelly toys, are porous which gives bacteria the perfect little hidey holes they love for setting up house. Wrapping them in a condom for use is an excellent way to keep them clean. There are also anti-bacterial toy cleaning detergents and wipes available through our catalog. It’s important to read the directions as many of these products require that they be rinsed after wiping.
Skin simulating rubber compounds such as Futurotic Plus, Ultra Flesh, Cyberskin, Soft Skins Plus, UR3, Senso, and Fanta Flesh, just to name a few, are usually semi-porous materials. Therefore, extra care should be taken to clean and rinse them thoroughly between uses. Pat dry and dust them with corn starch to keep them from being sticky and to restore their original delectable skin-like texture.
All toys should be completely rinsed and dried prior to storage to keep them in the best quality possible.